I’ve been fairly quiet this past week or so. My PMDD is flaring up and I’ve been in an awful place mentally and physically. For anyone who’s like “WTF is PMDD?” you can go here My Periods Make Me Feel Depressed
It’s the worst month I’ve had so far. I wish I could feel sorry for myself but I don’t because it’s all down to me eating junk food, drinking sugary drinks, not drinking enough water, and not exercising enough. I did it to myself. I’ve felt SO awful. My hormones are literally bouncing all over the place. I’ve been extremely sensitive, snappy, and unable to communicate like my usual self. I’ve been over-emotional, unreasonable, and generally uninterested in anybody else but myself. The only people who I’ve not snapped at are my kiddos. Keeping my condition under wraps for them is surprisingly easy but outside of this household, I feel bad for anyone who’s come face to face with my little PMDD demon. Any sign of confrontation or negativity from anyone else, I’ve either bolted off in the opposite direction like a horse when it sees a plastic bag flapping around in the wind and cried about it OR I’ve gone OFF on them (but crying while doing it haha). Today it has felt like a train has run over my uterus and the nausea has been pretty awful too. My energy levels have been deep down, dead at the bottom of the ocean, but the worst thing this month is how bloated I have been.
So yeah, bloating. Let me tell you!!! I don’t bloat like a normal woman does before her period. Mine starts 10 days before. I start to notice that I’m gaining weight and looking bigger but I don’t put two and two together so I start with the negative internal talk and self-sabotage. My clothes start to feel really tight on me so out come my baggier clothes. Then the insecurities come creeping further and further in and I panic because I care about what people think of me. The other day I went flying with my brother (He’s a pilot) and he recorded it for his YouTube channel. I look the worst I’ve ever looked and I’ve been worried that people will think I actually gained that much weight when I actually haven’t, but you know what? I’m sick of feeling bad about myself. Women’s bodies go through a lot and mine is going through hell right now, so whatever. People will think what they want and I need to stop caring. It doesn’t matter. I’m still me. I’ll slim back down in a few days! Haha, last night it was so bad I felt like I’d eaten a ton of Ramen noodles. I could literally feel the sodium levels in my system from whatever I did eat (Forgot). I felt like an inflated pufferfish ready to explode so I sprinted to the fridge and guzzled as much water as I could …. then I got my period. Immediate relief haha.
I’ve already started to de-bloat and I’ll be fine in a few days. I just have to get myself through this dreadful week then I can go back to feeling normal. I HAVE to put a plan in place to stop damaging my body. When I take care of it I don’t have awful flareups like this. LOT’S OF WATER, NO SUGAR, NO SODIUM, LESS SOY, LAURA, COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT!!!
On a positive note, I’ve been trying to get more sleep each night and it feels quite awesome. Now if I could quit the dramatics and function normally that would be great.
I’ll be back soon with a more interesting and less pitiful post.