It’s a lovely day here in Florida. It’s been beautiful all week. Heck, Florida is beautiful and I’ve learned to appreciate it more lately. This week I have been switching off the air conditioning in my house and opening the windows. I’ve had the back patio door wide open for most of the day and enjoying the slight breeze we’ve been getting. The children can run out into the back garden whenever they want, which Abbey wastes no time in doing. The second the door opens, she’s out. Right now though, she’s chosen to stand at my laptop and lick the top of it while I write. Weirdo!
I’ve been feeling happier lately. Lighter. Positive. More determined. I’ve felt a sense of freedom and feeling more and more like myself as the days go on. I’ve been feeling happier and more content with who I am, and it all started with forgiveness and self-love. Forgiveness, because I’ve had the awful habit of allowing negative thoughts and words invade my mind for a long time now. Having no respect for myself. Not believing in myself. Feeling like I don’t deserve anything good. Insecurities that were the result of a toxic relationship. Being treated poorly. A physically and emotionally abusive relationship. A complete disaster. Something that I’ve never spoken about because I don’t like giving people the satisfaction of knowing they ruined me (I’m very stubborn). But today I don’t care because I’m past all of it. I’m better than all of it. It took me a long time to believe it but now I finally do and I’m in the best place I’ve been for a long time. At some point I realized that I was using this as an excuse to be insecure and that I really didn’t need to waste anymore of this short and precious time on earth focusing on bad things that have happened to me.
In order to truly move forward, you have to learn to forgive yourself. Gained weight? Not tried your best lately?Depression has struck you again? Maybe you just haven’t been the best friend or parent? Maybe you are a certain age and haven’t got the career you wanted or haven’t bought your first house yet. Maybe someone hurt you badly but you blame yourself for it. Maybe you just don’t like yourself very much right now. Whatever it is, you can’t fully move on unless you forgive yourself and learn how to say nice words to yourself. Talk to yourself in a way that no matter what has happened, you know you’re still an awesome person. Forgiving yourself also means putting the past in the past. Whatever has or hasn’t happened, it’s over now. It’s behind you. Pick it up, turn around, put it down, then turn back around, throw up a huge peace sign and say “I’M OUT!”
Walk away from that problem or bad memory and leave it there to sit and be a huge pain in the ass for someone else. Not you! It no longer exists in your world.
That’s what I have learned to do. It takes practice. Breaking that habit is difficult at first but you form new habits. Positive ones. We have this one life and we tend to spend a lot of it focusing on the negative things that happened when really our focus needs to be shifted onto the things that are going to help us grow.
Yesterday I started my one week ban from energy drinks and sugar, in the hopes that after that one week I’ll see a major difference and want to continue on. Loving yourself includes taking care of your body and I’m serious about doing so this time. I don’t have a bunch of chemicals in my system and I’m glad of it. I’ve also traded social media time for books, which has improved my mood A LOT! Social media is extremely toxic and while we are all stuck at home during this pandemic, it’s easy to go down the rabbit hole into the unhealthy world of social media. A place where we all try to prove to complete strangers that we are out living our best life, when in fact we are not!
But for right now, I can say life is good. I’ve learned to love myself more, I’ve learned to appreciate myself more and for the first time in a very long time I have the confidence to not give a damn about what anyone else thinks of me. It’s something I’ve been missing about myself for a while. Something I wanted to achieve again, and it’s a great feeling to have it back again.
Thank you for reading.